Sometimes, people take their pets for granted. It’s easy to forget the impact they have in your life or the happiness they bring when you’re exasperated with their behavior. But there are moments they make you laugh and that they make your life better that shouldn’t be forgotten.
These 65 funny dog sayings will remind you of the funny moments and keep you laughing, even when you’re tired of your dog or frustrated with their behavior. Keep your favorites around to make you laugh when you need it most.
65 Funny Dog Sayings
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1. “A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost.” - Charlotte Gray
2. “I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!” - Jonah Goldberg
3. “A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.” - Unknown
4. “Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” - Anne Tyler
5. “I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.” - Merrill Markoe
6. “In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” - Edward Hoagland
7. “Of course you can live without a dog, it’s just not worth it.” - Heinz Ruhmann
8. “Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.” - Dave Barry
9. “Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.” - Jodi Picoult
10. “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.” - Jean Ferris
11. “Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” - Corey Ford
12. “All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For, after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.” - Charles M. Schulz
13. “Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mailman is not to be trusted.” - Sian Ford
14. “Dogs don’t lie around lazily, they decorate the room.” - Unknown
15. “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.” - Fran Lebowitz
16. “My dog is half pit-bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip.” - Craig Shoemaker
17. “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” - Unknown
18. “A boy can learn a lot from a dog — obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” - Robert Benchley
19. “The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.” - Margot Kaufman
20. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” - Andy Rooney
21. “If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.” - Unknown
22. “I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.” - Unknown
23. “The dog is a gentleman; I am not.” - Mark Twain
24. “My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” - Elayne Boosler
25. “The best therapist has fur and four legs.” - Unknown
26. “It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.” - John Grogan
27. “The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.” - Winston Pendelton
28. “If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.” - Unknown
29. “A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.” - Orlando Aloysius Battista
30. “If you want the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.” - Unknown
31. “Everything I know I learned from dogs.” - Nora Roberts
32. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” - Dave Barry
33. “Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.” - John Peer
34. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” - Rodney Dangerfield
35. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” - Charles De Gaulle
36. “If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?” - Unknown
37. “A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” - Helen Thomson
38. “I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.” - Unknown
39. “My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” - Greg Curtis
40. “No home decor is complete without dog hair.” - Unknown
41. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” - Sue Murphy
42. “Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.” - Mary Bly
43. “Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” - Steve Bluestone
44. “There is only one smartest dog in the world, and every boy has it.” - Louis Sabin
45. “In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” - Derek Bruce
46. “The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” - Samuel Butler
47. “Everyone thinks they have the best dog. And none of them are wrong.” - W.R.Purch
48. “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” - Aldous Huxley
49. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” - John Steinbeck
50. “Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend never owned a dog.” - Unknown
51. “If you don’t own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.” - Roger A. Caras
52. “Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” – Unknown
53. “When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” - Kristan Higgins
54. “The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” - Ambrose Bierce
55. “If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.” - Unknown
56. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx
57. “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” - Rita Rudner
58. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” - Franklin Jones
59. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!” - George Carlin
60. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” - Franklin P. Jones
61. “I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” - Bonnie Schacter
62. ”If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” - Phil Pastoret
63. “You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.” - Unknown
64. “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” - Marilyn Monroe
65. “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” - Christopher Morley